ده مش نصيبي،،، لكن حبيبي،،،
"He is not meant for me (not mine... but he is my love"
The lyrics of this old song is the simplest concept of true unconditional love...maybe the paths uncrossed, maybe his heart is meant for another...maybe he never loved me to start with...but a soul mate remains forever somewhere beyond our own reach.
Somewhere reachable only to OUR CREATOR, OUR SOURCE...
I do believe in soul mates. I do believe I met my soul mate THANK GOD.
That to me is a gift in itself.
Soul mates, and soul mates alone, can really go very deep within ourselves, to heal and hurt!
Sometimes, the hurt a soul mate causes is the first step to heal...
I believe in soul mates; and I believe in science and evidence.
The evidence he is/was my soul mate, is the happiness that rushes over me, when I get a hint he is happy now. Despite the hurt, his happiness is far from me, way far from knowing what is happening in my life, from my drama and vulnerability, that he and he alone ever saw...Far...yet to think he finally found love and happiness is a satisfaction...
and only time will tell...
only time will tell...
Monday, June 24, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Thank you for stopping by!
I have a friend, who though we hardly talk, she again and again, have stopped by a word, or a note, or a link that came just on time! This is one time, when again, GOD USES her to send me a note to remember!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Layali I or II?
Layali I
...or Layali II?
Same song! Different tune! Which would I prefer? Like the heart turns, and feelings are wild horses; one moment Layali 1 maybe the next moment my heart sings Layali 2: in either, it rests true
سكه ماشيه وعمر ماشي لسه اجمل يوم مجاش
I came to know love…
Sung a number of times by beautiful voices and wonderful feelings the following Nasheed touches the ultimate truth about our existence! LOVE :) True LOVE revolves around OUR SOURCE! FROM OUR SOURCE and FOR OUR SOURCE LOVE is love :)
The words in English Translation and the Arabic wordings as follows:
عَرَفْتُ الهَوى مُذ عَرَفْتُ هواك
وأغْلَقْتُ قَلْبي عَلىٰ مَنْ عَاداكْ
وقُمْتُ اُناجِيـكَ يا مَن تـَرى
خَفايا القُلُوبِ ولَسْنا نراك
أحِبُكَ حُبَيْنِ حُبَ الهَـوىٰ
وحُبْــاً لأنَكَ أهْـل ٌ لـِذَاك
فأما الذي هُوَ حُبُ الهَوىٰ
فَشُغْلِي بذِكْرِكَ عَمَنْ سـِواكْ
وامّـا الذي أنْتَ أهلٌ لَهُ
فَلَسْتُ أرىٰ الكَوْنِ حَتىٰ أراكْ
فلا الحَمْدُ في ذا ولا ذاكَ لي
ولكنْ لكَ الحَمْدُ فِي ذا وذاك
رابعة العدوية
This is love! Anything else is ellusive and illusive!
My favourite performace is Umm Kulthoom's
Nevertheless, there are a number of performances worth contemplating on, as the following two:
Ibn Arabi:
I also love Reem Bna's
To which there are some additional part to the part which Umm Kulthoom and Ibn Arabi sang :) which is:
لما علمت بأن قلبي فارغ ممن سواك ملأته بهواك
وملأت كلي منك حتى لم أدع مني مكانا خاليا لسواك
فالقلب فيك هيامه وغرامه والنطق لاينفك عن ذكراك
والطرف حيث أجيله متلفتا في كل شيء يجتلي معناك
والسمع لايصغي إلى متكلم إلا إذا ماحدّثوا بحلاك
(translation coming soon :D)
The words in English Translation and the Arabic wordings as follows:
I
came to know love the moment I found YOUR LOVE
And I have closed my
heart from everyone except YOU
And I start whispering to YOU; THE ONE WHO SEES the secrets of the heart
While we don’t see YOU
I have two types
of love for YOU:
The love of inclination and a love for YOU ARE WORTHY of
such
The love of inclination is when YOUR REMEMBRANCE KEEPS me away
from everything but YOU
And truly the love that YOU ARE WORTHY OF is
when YOU UNVEIL THE VEILS for me to see YOU
Truly, the praise in either case is not mine
Truly, praise in both cases belong to YOU.
Rabi El Adawia
عَرَفْتُ الهَوى مُذ عَرَفْتُ هواك
وأغْلَقْتُ قَلْبي عَلىٰ مَنْ عَاداكْ
وقُمْتُ اُناجِيـكَ يا مَن تـَرى
خَفايا القُلُوبِ ولَسْنا نراك
أحِبُكَ حُبَيْنِ حُبَ الهَـوىٰ
وحُبْــاً لأنَكَ أهْـل ٌ لـِذَاك
فأما الذي هُوَ حُبُ الهَوىٰ
فَشُغْلِي بذِكْرِكَ عَمَنْ سـِواكْ
وامّـا الذي أنْتَ أهلٌ لَهُ
فَلَسْتُ أرىٰ الكَوْنِ حَتىٰ أراكْ
فلا الحَمْدُ في ذا ولا ذاكَ لي
ولكنْ لكَ الحَمْدُ فِي ذا وذاك
رابعة العدوية
This is love! Anything else is ellusive and illusive!
My favourite performace is Umm Kulthoom's
Nevertheless, there are a number of performances worth contemplating on, as the following two:
Ibn Arabi:
I also love Reem Bna's
To which there are some additional part to the part which Umm Kulthoom and Ibn Arabi sang :) which is:
لما علمت بأن قلبي فارغ ممن سواك ملأته بهواك
وملأت كلي منك حتى لم أدع مني مكانا خاليا لسواك
فالقلب فيك هيامه وغرامه والنطق لاينفك عن ذكراك
والطرف حيث أجيله متلفتا في كل شيء يجتلي معناك
والسمع لايصغي إلى متكلم إلا إذا ماحدّثوا بحلاك
(translation coming soon :D)
finding my way back to me
I am not me!
Not the me I thought I was meant to be!
I did a tremendous error to day! Guilt fills me and disdain!
But here is the thing, I realised I am dwelling in a stagnant lake of a lower version of myself; this Today I decided to let go of!
I deserve to treat myself better. To honour the SOUL GOD BREATHE into me!
If HE IS KEEPING me alive, HE IS GIVING me a chance!
I signed on to my goodreads.com account and realised I had not read enough in my life, and yet, I give the impression of being a knowledgeable person; plus, my inner philosophy and pride, which I was born with, THANK GOD :) My dad even referred to me in my early years, back as a toddler, as someone who gave the impression of a highly sophisticated mentality.
I do not know if this was true or not. I don't even know if this stands true at the moment or not. I have a inner melody somewhere, which has turned out of tune. Today, I realised in loving A more than myself, my "self" apparently got too hurt, she left me! Now that I am totally lost...I am finding my way back to me...
It starts by a decision and I am a warrior with virtues
So, in finding the way, I choose to exemplify GI, YU and MAKOTO :) There lies my MEIYO! (if you know what I mean :D)
Not the me I thought I was meant to be!
I did a tremendous error to day! Guilt fills me and disdain!
But here is the thing, I realised I am dwelling in a stagnant lake of a lower version of myself; this Today I decided to let go of!
I deserve to treat myself better. To honour the SOUL GOD BREATHE into me!
If HE IS KEEPING me alive, HE IS GIVING me a chance!
I signed on to my goodreads.com account and realised I had not read enough in my life, and yet, I give the impression of being a knowledgeable person; plus, my inner philosophy and pride, which I was born with, THANK GOD :) My dad even referred to me in my early years, back as a toddler, as someone who gave the impression of a highly sophisticated mentality.
I do not know if this was true or not. I don't even know if this stands true at the moment or not. I have a inner melody somewhere, which has turned out of tune. Today, I realised in loving A more than myself, my "self" apparently got too hurt, she left me! Now that I am totally lost...I am finding my way back to me...
It starts by a decision and I am a warrior with virtues
So, in finding the way, I choose to exemplify GI, YU and MAKOTO :) There lies my MEIYO! (if you know what I mean :D)
From my diary...
Monday 7th May 2012
I don't really know who am I writing to.
I do have a deep heart ache. It has been almost two months since A said he can't keep going with me.
Two months of rejection. Two months deprived of love and affection.
Two months of my tears - my happiness on hold, while life for his is almost "happily ever after". It seems he even meets new people and is making some fall for him.
I am tired of being tired. Of having to struggle through each day. Tomorrow, INSHA ALLAH, I will see him lecture about self-defense in (my sister's faculty). Tomorrow...also coincides with the Tuesday of my weakness. Coinciding with last Saturday is when I tamed him to say he has feelings for me, which was one week before Sensei M was going to see me on 13th May 2011, to test my compatibility for the Shodan. It was a Friday.
13th May, this year is on a Sunday. It hurts he is not here Today. It hurts I may not be able to call and thank.
Please GOD, BRING him back.
MAKE him love me again.
At the moment, I don't have much to do, expect to work hard to learn. I need to study the basics in medicine. Review the old books that I got rid off in gynaceology and obstetrics. Smile every day and pray for ALLAH for a miracle - trusting it will come.
And think - really think. Why do I love A so? Is love enough to make me happy with him? Does he deserve? Does he understand?
The answers may hurt - but I trust that love is enough. When it is true, it is self-sufficient.
I pray he changes to the best version of himself. At any given moment we have many versions of ourselves - the higher, idealist version, and the lower, hateful one - and a hundred other in between, through a spectrum well spread as Bell's phenomenon.
I pray that at any given moment, he and myself will be at the higher version. I trust him but above all I trust GOD.
I trust GOD CAN ALTER the hearts, LIGHT the soul and MAKE out of us, the best of the best..and with this hope I go through days smiling and believing, he will be here someday INSHA ALLAH,
as the best version of himself, and we shall be together INSHA ALLAH.
----------------------------------
That was over a year...on this same day this year if I was to write in my diary I'd say...(to be continued)
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I don't really know who am I writing to.
I do have a deep heart ache. It has been almost two months since A said he can't keep going with me.
Two months of rejection. Two months deprived of love and affection.
Two months of my tears - my happiness on hold, while life for his is almost "happily ever after". It seems he even meets new people and is making some fall for him.
I am tired of being tired. Of having to struggle through each day. Tomorrow, INSHA ALLAH, I will see him lecture about self-defense in (my sister's faculty). Tomorrow...also coincides with the Tuesday of my weakness. Coinciding with last Saturday is when I tamed him to say he has feelings for me, which was one week before Sensei M was going to see me on 13th May 2011, to test my compatibility for the Shodan. It was a Friday.
13th May, this year is on a Sunday. It hurts he is not here Today. It hurts I may not be able to call and thank.
Please GOD, BRING him back.
MAKE him love me again.
At the moment, I don't have much to do, expect to work hard to learn. I need to study the basics in medicine. Review the old books that I got rid off in gynaceology and obstetrics. Smile every day and pray for ALLAH for a miracle - trusting it will come.
And think - really think. Why do I love A so? Is love enough to make me happy with him? Does he deserve? Does he understand?
The answers may hurt - but I trust that love is enough. When it is true, it is self-sufficient.
I pray he changes to the best version of himself. At any given moment we have many versions of ourselves - the higher, idealist version, and the lower, hateful one - and a hundred other in between, through a spectrum well spread as Bell's phenomenon.
I pray that at any given moment, he and myself will be at the higher version. I trust him but above all I trust GOD.
I trust GOD CAN ALTER the hearts, LIGHT the soul and MAKE out of us, the best of the best..and with this hope I go through days smiling and believing, he will be here someday INSHA ALLAH,
as the best version of himself, and we shall be together INSHA ALLAH.
----------------------------------
That was over a year...on this same day this year if I was to write in my diary I'd say...(to be continued)
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