No one really tells us, how long will it take our wounds to heal.

No one knows in exact time when will we finally let go of the hurt and pain.

Of finding out the sense of why did we fall at all.

Why we broke?

Why the hurt tingles still?

Somewhere
....
....some people just go and without even knowing they take parts of us with them...

...parts we had no clue at all, they could even be moved from ourselves.

Now, they just take them, unheading whatever the pain they leave in us.

They let go of us faster than we can let go of them and it does not really matter,  it does not really matter at all...


Just let them go...

No one tells us how in steps can we let go.


And if you're like me, an A* student in Physics and an excellent students in Mathematics, when I could study these subjects, there is  a big chance, you're someone who loves to explain life in steps; even in medicine, I just love understanding the steps. Not that I love byhearting points, but I love steps that make sense; that are rational!


Here is the trouble. Life is not in algorithmic steps; at least not in one equation at a time, but a series of parallel equations that work together to find the final answer(s).

So to let go, people like me have trouble, as they try to find the equation and they find it difficult! Very difficult! How can I possibly just let go!

How?


How can I wake up and think not a moment about you? How can I not remember you in prayers? How can I just let go?

against all odds

against all odds I loved you

we were two different people from two different world

I come from a world of hope and pride

Of nature and pure delight

Of love and purity

You come from an angry world

Were everyone lets everyone down

You came to teach me how to fall

how to accept that not is all bright

I taught you to believe

miracles happen indeed

I loved even your mistakes

I saw my life been thrown in darkness

and felt all proud

your darkness was my haven and light

now you're gone

gone, far away

with an ache in my heart

and fear from every side

on some days I question if you ever came

if you ever left

if you ever will be back

if I can ever again feel safe

for now I don't know

but I'll let those tears just flow

and if I have to cry to sleep

I'll cry till all will just go

You did go away

Remember that day, two years ago, on a fine June day, I assume, you posted a poem about me:
you used words that moved me, and you honoured my love..."you didn't go away" was the title...
you said I taught you what's love!

You taught me what is not love! What it means to see with your own eyes, your love subside, demeaned, degraded!
What is it to love a man, who can't even see through your tears, and laughs...confusing this for that!

You failed me! Yes you did! You failed me more than you told me you're capable of!
Because I am a woman with faith, and I'd understand if fate comes in and buts us apart; but when you slice my heart with your own hands!
When you say you can't and in the swift of a second, you can, but for someone else!

I am not saying "I was betrayed, by you" I was betrayed by my own hands; by my fantasies of a merry land!

I saw you a man! I treated you as such; and against all odds, you declared to the world, my mistake, as you posted and declared, the death of "player-boy" to your new love and joy!

I wish you luck, I wish you happiness!

I miss you on days, hate you on others!

I have loved you to the end of love!
You've crushed me to the end of grindness!

So thank you, for being my lesson! I was your fortress, and you burnt!

I never did and would have never done like you...go away!

"The Power Of Good-Bye"

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
Do ya wanna go higher?

[Chorus:]

There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress

[Chorus2:]

There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye

Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye

Good Video...but...

Good Video...but...

it says just part of the story of living with a Chronic illness as MS: a daily threat of just when will your immune system (your own protector) attack you again! it says just part of the story, but it does not give a clue about how it feels when you wake up one day BLIND! it gives no clue, of what it means to get a totally distorted body image after putting on 50 KGs following a pulse therapy in a hospital! it speaks not about learning the truth about our bodies! They are not who we are! it just totally ignores waking up every day, pulling yourself of bed, in hope, you will be a normal person for Today! This is a really good video, scientifically, but it does not get near, how an MS patient goes from day to day in vagueness and doubt. How he/she learns to live in fear; and cope with it! How he/she relates to MS; unintentionally! How unlike cancer, or any other acute illness that posses a limited in time challenge, chronic illness, changes a family! MS changes the whole structure of a family when it sets in! Now, there is the uncertain! The Unknown! "Will she be fine Today? Will he wake up able to walk? Talk? What about the mental-psychological state?" This article does not even come close to the side-effects of medications; of what it means when following 10000 ml corticosteroids (methyl-prednisone), you are one in a million of those in whom corticosteroids calls for a psychic change, and you end up for months suffering from bipolar symptoms; losing yourself in process! How you may loose so much privilege, just to understand you never really owned it in the first place! And the image you had built in years, breaks down in the glimpse of a plaque! How you go for MRI, and pray, in your heart, that against all science and all medicine, the plaques disappear or at least don't have a couple more! No, it is not dark out here! MS in itself is a privilege; like every challenge that GOD GIVES HIS creatures: it teaches lessons. You learn what it truly means to "not take for granted" No MS patient can take for granted "health" and "love"! You wake up Today, with a new symptom; that is totally unpredicted! It can be as vague as "just wanting to die"! To as massive as blindness/paralysis... Then you learn to really appreciate those days when you're "normal"! You learn to appreciate those who will live through your MS "emotional liability"! You will know you can't take them for granted, because trust me on this, there will be more of those who won't even care to know the name of your daily fight! Who will quit on you, as the signs of your struggle become more apparent! So, you'll know in the end who was true, and who meant it when he said "I love you!" and you'll see with your own eyes, who was just taking advantage of those healthy days of you When MS is in check by GOD'S MERCY AND WILL You'll learn the power of prayers! This video is GOOD...REALLY, REALLY GOOD! But it does not say how an MS can be the best thing that ever happens to you: as you learn the truth about "health", "life" and "death" and the essence of this live, with all its sparkles: illusive & elusive...

Pardon! I love you!

It dawned on me
...that you love me!

Life gained shades of loving colours
...and nature danced to my happy melody!

I see you perfectly!
And your imperfections appeal to me!
When I criticise I ain't hating you
I am just reminding myself, you shouldn't be so dear to me