Remember that day, two years ago, on a fine June day, I assume, you posted a poem about me:
you used words that moved me, and you honoured my love..."you didn't go away" was the title...
you said I taught you what's love!
You taught me what is not love! What it means to see with your own eyes, your love subside, demeaned, degraded!
What is it to love a man, who can't even see through your tears, and laughs...confusing this for that!
You failed me! Yes you did! You failed me more than you told me you're capable of!
Because I am a woman with faith, and I'd understand if fate comes in and buts us apart; but when you slice my heart with your own hands!
When you say you can't and in the swift of a second, you can, but for someone else!
I am not saying "I was betrayed, by you" I was betrayed by my own hands; by my fantasies of a merry land!
I saw you a man! I treated you as such; and against all odds, you declared to the world, my mistake, as you posted and declared, the death of "player-boy" to your new love and joy!
I wish you luck, I wish you happiness!
I miss you on days, hate you on others!
I have loved you to the end of love!
You've crushed me to the end of grindness!
So thank you, for being my lesson! I was your fortress, and you burnt!
I never did and would have never done like you...go away!
Friday, May 31, 2013
"The Power Of Good-Bye"
Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
Do ya wanna go higher?
[Chorus:]
There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye
Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress
[Chorus2:]
There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye
Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
Do ya wanna go higher?
[Chorus:]
There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye
Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so
You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress
[Chorus2:]
There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye
Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Good Video...but...
Good Video...but...
it says just part of the story of living with a Chronic illness as MS: a daily threat of just when will your immune system (your own protector) attack you again! it says just part of the story, but it does not give a clue about how it feels when you wake up one day BLIND! it gives no clue, of what it means to get a totally distorted body image after putting on 50 KGs following a pulse therapy in a hospital! it speaks not about learning the truth about our bodies! They are not who we are! it just totally ignores waking up every day, pulling yourself of bed, in hope, you will be a normal person for Today! This is a really good video, scientifically, but it does not get near, how an MS patient goes from day to day in vagueness and doubt. How he/she learns to live in fear; and cope with it! How he/she relates to MS; unintentionally! How unlike cancer, or any other acute illness that posses a limited in time challenge, chronic illness, changes a family! MS changes the whole structure of a family when it sets in! Now, there is the uncertain! The Unknown! "Will she be fine Today? Will he wake up able to walk? Talk? What about the mental-psychological state?" This article does not even come close to the side-effects of medications; of what it means when following 10000 ml corticosteroids (methyl-prednisone), you are one in a million of those in whom corticosteroids calls for a psychic change, and you end up for months suffering from bipolar symptoms; losing yourself in process! How you may loose so much privilege, just to understand you never really owned it in the first place! And the image you had built in years, breaks down in the glimpse of a plaque! How you go for MRI, and pray, in your heart, that against all science and all medicine, the plaques disappear or at least don't have a couple more! No, it is not dark out here! MS in itself is a privilege; like every challenge that GOD GIVES HIS creatures: it teaches lessons. You learn what it truly means to "not take for granted" No MS patient can take for granted "health" and "love"! You wake up Today, with a new symptom; that is totally unpredicted! It can be as vague as "just wanting to die"! To as massive as blindness/paralysis... Then you learn to really appreciate those days when you're "normal"! You learn to appreciate those who will live through your MS "emotional liability"! You will know you can't take them for granted, because trust me on this, there will be more of those who won't even care to know the name of your daily fight! Who will quit on you, as the signs of your struggle become more apparent! So, you'll know in the end who was true, and who meant it when he said "I love you!" and you'll see with your own eyes, who was just taking advantage of those healthy days of you When MS is in check by GOD'S MERCY AND WILL You'll learn the power of prayers! This video is GOOD...REALLY, REALLY GOOD! But it does not say how an MS can be the best thing that ever happens to you: as you learn the truth about "health", "life" and "death" and the essence of this live, with all its sparkles: illusive & elusive...
it says just part of the story of living with a Chronic illness as MS: a daily threat of just when will your immune system (your own protector) attack you again! it says just part of the story, but it does not give a clue about how it feels when you wake up one day BLIND! it gives no clue, of what it means to get a totally distorted body image after putting on 50 KGs following a pulse therapy in a hospital! it speaks not about learning the truth about our bodies! They are not who we are! it just totally ignores waking up every day, pulling yourself of bed, in hope, you will be a normal person for Today! This is a really good video, scientifically, but it does not get near, how an MS patient goes from day to day in vagueness and doubt. How he/she learns to live in fear; and cope with it! How he/she relates to MS; unintentionally! How unlike cancer, or any other acute illness that posses a limited in time challenge, chronic illness, changes a family! MS changes the whole structure of a family when it sets in! Now, there is the uncertain! The Unknown! "Will she be fine Today? Will he wake up able to walk? Talk? What about the mental-psychological state?" This article does not even come close to the side-effects of medications; of what it means when following 10000 ml corticosteroids (methyl-prednisone), you are one in a million of those in whom corticosteroids calls for a psychic change, and you end up for months suffering from bipolar symptoms; losing yourself in process! How you may loose so much privilege, just to understand you never really owned it in the first place! And the image you had built in years, breaks down in the glimpse of a plaque! How you go for MRI, and pray, in your heart, that against all science and all medicine, the plaques disappear or at least don't have a couple more! No, it is not dark out here! MS in itself is a privilege; like every challenge that GOD GIVES HIS creatures: it teaches lessons. You learn what it truly means to "not take for granted" No MS patient can take for granted "health" and "love"! You wake up Today, with a new symptom; that is totally unpredicted! It can be as vague as "just wanting to die"! To as massive as blindness/paralysis... Then you learn to really appreciate those days when you're "normal"! You learn to appreciate those who will live through your MS "emotional liability"! You will know you can't take them for granted, because trust me on this, there will be more of those who won't even care to know the name of your daily fight! Who will quit on you, as the signs of your struggle become more apparent! So, you'll know in the end who was true, and who meant it when he said "I love you!" and you'll see with your own eyes, who was just taking advantage of those healthy days of you When MS is in check by GOD'S MERCY AND WILL You'll learn the power of prayers! This video is GOOD...REALLY, REALLY GOOD! But it does not say how an MS can be the best thing that ever happens to you: as you learn the truth about "health", "life" and "death" and the essence of this live, with all its sparkles: illusive & elusive...
Pardon! I love you!
It dawned on me
...that you love me!
Life gained shades of loving colours
...and nature danced to my happy melody!
I see you perfectly!
And your imperfections appeal to me!
When I criticise I ain't hating you
I am just reminding myself, you shouldn't be so dear to me
...that you love me!
Life gained shades of loving colours
...and nature danced to my happy melody!
I see you perfectly!
And your imperfections appeal to me!
When I criticise I ain't hating you
I am just reminding myself, you shouldn't be so dear to me
Friday, October 15, 2010
Hail to my nature!
Hail to my nature! And your nature too :-) Hail to being who I am And hail for you being you!
She wished my mother would birth to a boy! "Grandma! Would a grandson, be better than I?"
"I just want you to have a good strong man brother"
"That one over there! How skilled he is in every way?!
You are no less...but you don't show it!"
Around the corner is a neighbour, she is a beauty and a dare!
"Freedom is to be able to do it all!", she told me encouraging me to break free!
I respect being a female grandma. Perhaps I shed more tears, than my brother; and I even sympathise more! It is my nature and I respect! Sometimes I am more sensitive, than I should be.
She wished my mother would birth to a boy! "Grandma! Would a grandson, be better than I?"
"I just want you to have a good strong man brother"
"That one over there! How skilled he is in every way?!
You are no less...but you don't show it!"
Around the corner is a neighbour, she is a beauty and a dare!
"Freedom is to be able to do it all!", she told me encouraging me to break free!
I respect being a female grandma. Perhaps I shed more tears, than my brother; and I even sympathise more! It is my nature and I respect! Sometimes I am more sensitive, than I should be.
But that is just part of being me!
Perhaps, I am more skilled than he.
But display is not the job for me.
Am not a prisoner pal! I am just who I am.
I wake up each morning; embrace myself and smile my way to a new day.
I need not conform to anyone but me!
Will not be a prisoner of loving to show the world what they want to see of me!
My nature is my job!
To work on a weakness here!
Empower a strength there!
I am strong when I respect my nature!
Do I have time to cry over what I was not given,
When I have a whole world to explore
What I should be is not what someone sees of me
But what my nature entails me!
GOD GAVE me this nature.
Some raw material to sculpture!
That is my job.
Hail to being who I could!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Who are you?
I don't know you!
That may sound too rude a notion, but is the truth!
Yet, another reality is due, that am falling for you!
And I don't like feeling like I don't know where am heading...
I hate being confused!
If I don't know you, how may I love you..
...well, then it's not love! Right?
Do I sound rude? Am I cruel?! Least, I refuse to be a fool, or to fall blind fold!
They say love is blind! I don't believe that! Love brings to our lives genuine light.
But that is...when IT IS love!
Love is not a feeling that takes us by the head! It was never a night's dream that a morning over-rides! Love is the knowledge... of the who and the why...the reason in another's company, we want to hand in hand fly!
All I know of you, is the intense happiness when you are around! Is that I want to see you the best! Is that I fantasy we have a lot in common, and yet I don't know what may it be, that keeps attracting me to you! All I know is that I see you kind, I see you sweet! I see you noble and I see you great!
But what do I know of you to see all that?! Little, if at all!
And I hate to fall blind folded, by my wishes you are the one!
I hate to force into you, what you are not! You may be greater than I see you (or rather wish you are)! Nobler! Kinder! The best that ever walked earth...all that is possible and much more...and much less too...
But will I ever, ever know?
Am afraid my friend, and am sharing my fear with you! Am afraid, am truly in love with you!
But that's not love what's based on nil!
Or is it...? Perhaps I don't know what's love after all!
But I thought I knew!!! Till I met you!
I have always had and I still have great ambitions! That was my love :)
Am not a put in a cage bird! My best analog is the butterfly :) Free, colourful, without which a garden is incomplete!
My wildest dream is eternaly a smile on every face!
Yes the world's happiness is my reason, my passion and my reason to be and I'd follow it everywhere! But I see you won't trust in my dream...and think am living in my own planet! So, perhaps you just don't love me!
And why should I demand love from you...? You too know me not!
Are you a season? Are you a reason?
Why do I find myself praying you are a lifetime?!
Am I irrational...too spontaneous!
"I'm Not Allowed To Fall In Love..I'm Not Allowed To Care This Much", She Said...But When You Are Staying Up Late, Hoping To God He's Tossing & Turning, Thinking Of You, IT'S TOO LATE ALREADY..!!
It is too late already! Am in for a hurt...if you are not who I hope you are! If you can't walk the distance with me! If you can't accept I need to fly!
I didn't lay all my emotions on you! Never did...but no guarantee I never will!
I hadn't laid all my emotions on you...so if I never see you again, I may not be left broken and weak! I will survive! Not cause am strong..but cause there seems no logical reason to break down :D But I know I'll cry! I know I'll have some sleepless nights...wondering why did all this be! I thank GOD time and time again, our paths crossed, I thank GOD for the feelings, for the colour, for the music you brought about...but then I still wonder who may you be? But then I wonder if you brought all this truly! Or is it the work of my mind?! My imagination?! Which is vivid and wild!
But then again...I find myself wishing you are true :)
I find myself afraid of you too...
I ask GOD every day and night TO CLARIFY to me, if you are the one!
And if you are not...can I afford you walk out of my life!!! Will you have to, then?
I am told am a fighter! I am told am strong!
I am told that time is the best healer!
I am told am young, and the whole world is yet to be!
I am told I need not fear all that may be!
I am told by my close ones, you just can't be! That this is wrong...this is fantasy!
I am told and told a lot each day, and then I wonder, why did you pass my way!
That may sound too rude a notion, but is the truth!
Yet, another reality is due, that am falling for you!
And I don't like feeling like I don't know where am heading...
I hate being confused!
If I don't know you, how may I love you..
...well, then it's not love! Right?
Do I sound rude? Am I cruel?! Least, I refuse to be a fool, or to fall blind fold!
They say love is blind! I don't believe that! Love brings to our lives genuine light.
But that is...when IT IS love!
Love is not a feeling that takes us by the head! It was never a night's dream that a morning over-rides! Love is the knowledge... of the who and the why...the reason in another's company, we want to hand in hand fly!
All I know of you, is the intense happiness when you are around! Is that I want to see you the best! Is that I fantasy we have a lot in common, and yet I don't know what may it be, that keeps attracting me to you! All I know is that I see you kind, I see you sweet! I see you noble and I see you great!
But what do I know of you to see all that?! Little, if at all!
And I hate to fall blind folded, by my wishes you are the one!
I hate to force into you, what you are not! You may be greater than I see you (or rather wish you are)! Nobler! Kinder! The best that ever walked earth...all that is possible and much more...and much less too...
But will I ever, ever know?
Am afraid my friend, and am sharing my fear with you! Am afraid, am truly in love with you!
But that's not love what's based on nil!
Or is it...? Perhaps I don't know what's love after all!
But I thought I knew!!! Till I met you!
I have always had and I still have great ambitions! That was my love :)
Am not a put in a cage bird! My best analog is the butterfly :) Free, colourful, without which a garden is incomplete!
My wildest dream is eternaly a smile on every face!
Yes the world's happiness is my reason, my passion and my reason to be and I'd follow it everywhere! But I see you won't trust in my dream...and think am living in my own planet! So, perhaps you just don't love me!
And why should I demand love from you...? You too know me not!
Are you a season? Are you a reason?
Why do I find myself praying you are a lifetime?!
Am I irrational...too spontaneous!
"I'm Not Allowed To Fall In Love..I'm Not Allowed To Care This Much", She Said...But When You Are Staying Up Late, Hoping To God He's Tossing & Turning, Thinking Of You, IT'S TOO LATE ALREADY..!!
It is too late already! Am in for a hurt...if you are not who I hope you are! If you can't walk the distance with me! If you can't accept I need to fly!
I didn't lay all my emotions on you! Never did...but no guarantee I never will!
I hadn't laid all my emotions on you...so if I never see you again, I may not be left broken and weak! I will survive! Not cause am strong..but cause there seems no logical reason to break down :D But I know I'll cry! I know I'll have some sleepless nights...wondering why did all this be! I thank GOD time and time again, our paths crossed, I thank GOD for the feelings, for the colour, for the music you brought about...but then I still wonder who may you be? But then I wonder if you brought all this truly! Or is it the work of my mind?! My imagination?! Which is vivid and wild!
But then again...I find myself wishing you are true :)
I find myself afraid of you too...
I ask GOD every day and night TO CLARIFY to me, if you are the one!
And if you are not...can I afford you walk out of my life!!! Will you have to, then?
I am told am a fighter! I am told am strong!
I am told that time is the best healer!
I am told am young, and the whole world is yet to be!
I am told I need not fear all that may be!
I am told by my close ones, you just can't be! That this is wrong...this is fantasy!
I am told and told a lot each day, and then I wonder, why did you pass my way!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Love is not love.
It's still vivid; the first time, I read Sonnet 116.
"Yes! Yes, Shakespeare! This is Love!"
At age 17, with all my knowledge of love, that it is the most wonderful and beautiful feeling on earth, his words were confirmation, to what I believed was love - 'an ever fixed mark'.
5 years later, my view of love hadn't changed much, if at all. Nevertheless, how practical, this description of love can be?
I would prefer stopping by the sonnet, before proceeding:
SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
What an admirable paradox, Sir William. You've never writ?!
Or had no man ever loved?
True love, being never a subject to alteration, is what he refers to. A love that have deep, mighty roots; a never ending inspiration to the lovers, 'a star to every wandering bark', setting him on track again. He sees true love as that which stands the test of time. Modern science, have had recent evidence that this is possible, despite the previous beliefs, that love fades to time.
Whilst Shakespeare's sonnet embodies true love characteristics, timeless and unaltered, it does not help us learn how to bring these traits into our love stories.
But can it be brought at all? I mean, where is our share in making a love true or not? Why can a human as Shakespeare find love, not a subject to nature's law of change, while the biggest majority of people say, it doesn't last?! Is it luck? Or a real effort to keep the song playing?
Till I can find an answer worth of sharing, I'll just conclude by saying that I absolutely agree that love does not 'bend with the remover to remove'; that even if the spell seems to be broken, the heart would still - by the least - remember, the lover, as a...lover!
"Yes! Yes, Shakespeare! This is Love!"
At age 17, with all my knowledge of love, that it is the most wonderful and beautiful feeling on earth, his words were confirmation, to what I believed was love - 'an ever fixed mark'.
5 years later, my view of love hadn't changed much, if at all. Nevertheless, how practical, this description of love can be?
I would prefer stopping by the sonnet, before proceeding:
SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
What an admirable paradox, Sir William. You've never writ?!
Or had no man ever loved?
True love, being never a subject to alteration, is what he refers to. A love that have deep, mighty roots; a never ending inspiration to the lovers, 'a star to every wandering bark', setting him on track again. He sees true love as that which stands the test of time. Modern science, have had recent evidence that this is possible, despite the previous beliefs, that love fades to time.
Whilst Shakespeare's sonnet embodies true love characteristics, timeless and unaltered, it does not help us learn how to bring these traits into our love stories.
But can it be brought at all? I mean, where is our share in making a love true or not? Why can a human as Shakespeare find love, not a subject to nature's law of change, while the biggest majority of people say, it doesn't last?! Is it luck? Or a real effort to keep the song playing?
Till I can find an answer worth of sharing, I'll just conclude by saying that I absolutely agree that love does not 'bend with the remover to remove'; that even if the spell seems to be broken, the heart would still - by the least - remember, the lover, as a...lover!
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